Going Through the Bad Stuff to Get to the Good

We’ve been through a lot of stuff in our marriage. We don’t compare it to other peoples’ stuff because everyone’s stuff is hard for them, and generally unfair, and sometimes really, really shitty. What you take away from the bad stuff is how you keep the marriage together and improve upon it. Repairing the stuff or taking a different approach to the stuff can make or break a marriage.

We almost broke the marriage several times.

We’re not proud of it, and the near-breaks weren’t pretty. They were downright ugly. Ugly yelling, ugly crying, ugly screaming, ugly throwing. And not just for a few hours. Days, and days, and more days. Jack was at the point of apartment shopping and Jenny was calculating school zoning vs. housing options. We were ready to split money, furniture, kitchenware, cars, electronics, family, the works.

Something happened at the end of each of those near-breaks that stopped the full-on break. Or maybe we were just too damn exhausted to keep fighting. Whatever the case, we managed to find a calm spot and TALK. Not yelling or screaming, but TALK. We’d talk about the argument itself and what led up to it. We’d drag out all the issues we’d been storing away in our closet of marital stuff and examine them. Each time begging the other to understand, pleading with each other to put the shoe on the other foot. It was during these moments when we realized how important our marriage was (IS!!) to us.

And along with the talking came the listening, which developed into compromising and improving. {And eventually to some pretty awesome make-up sex!}

Are we living the perfect unicorn-n-rainbows marriage? Probably not, because, hey, nothing’s perfect. But, we’re learning. Jack works on his own personal stuff and Jenny works on her stuff. Once we were honest about our feelings during those times of exhausted near-breaking talks, we found we could understand one another and work on change. Change our selves and change the dynamics of the marriage.

Fighting sucks and it can be utterly devastating, there’s no doubt about it. For us, it’s probably the single most unpleasant aspect of marriage. But maybe for our type of marriage, we needed to trudge through the bad stuff and look at the possibility of life apart in order to come back to the good stuff. To find the sparkle. To remember the love. To get on with the joy.

Fixing our marriage and moving on is why we decided to start a blog. We’re fighters – literally and figuratively. We can go from zero to loathing in under a minute, but getting back to that calm zone takes work. Been there, done that! We want to show others that struggles don’t have to be the end. A marriage can’t function in a constant state of upheaval, we acknowledge that. But we want to share our experiences, ideas, work, advice, and…stuff.

Our free advice to you in your relationships = lay all your shit out on the table and start picking through it. Don’t hold in your feelings until you explode. Be fair and kind to each other. Remember why you fell in love. Work as hard as you can to get back to your happy place.

Thanks for reading! We hope you stick with us, ask questions, send emails. We’ll continue to share and we hope you do, too.

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THAT’S what you’re wearing?

Hey men, this is for you, so listen up.

Word on the street is that ladies don’t like to be seen out in public with a slob. Tinkering around the house or yard is one thing, but not on date night. Seems like a big “duh” statement, right? But man, it’s shocking at what’s being paraded around town like acceptable public attire.

I’m not sayin’ you have to wear a suit or tux when you’re going out, unless that’s appropriate, then yeah, suck it up and wear it. But c’mon, let’s not look like we’re cleaning out the garage when we step out.

So guys, seriously, it’s time to up your game for your lady and dress like you give a shit. She likes when you look sharp! Lose the sweats and hoodies in public. Put away the camo if you’re not a soldier. Get rid of the baggy cargo shorts unless you’re going on a photographic safari to Africa. And for the love of God, ditch the stained or faded t-shirts.

You’ll thank me later!

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The Big Five-oh Bitchfest of 2016

Jack and I turned 50 in mid-2016. Jack took it in stride. I, on the other hand, had to be drug kicking and screaming into midlife. I know it’s just a number, and you’re only as old as you feel, and all the other platitudes people say to make each other not hate 50 so much. But to me, it sucked. Life is moving way too quickly! Where did the time go? We still have so much to do!

Anyway, fast-forward to December of 2016 and my big realization…I had just spent six solid months bitching about being 50 and all the things that were happening to my body: I’m heading into menopause and the hot flashes damn near killed me. I started having hip pain. My left foot went bad. I developed tennis elbow even though I’ve never played more than a few hours during gym class. I needed a stronger magnification for my reading glasses. My skin got dryer. I began to need occasional vag gel for dryness there as well. My hair got thinner. Both shoulders ached at different points during the year. Believe me, if there was something for me to bitch about, I did. And I felt like it was constant.

By body was beginning to betray me. I felt like the warranty had expired!

But more than that, I started to irritate the shit out of myself with so much bitching. It dawned on me one day while Jack and I were hittin’ the laughing grass and waxing poetic that I had done nothing but complain about being 50 and the things that were happening to my body! EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And damn, that’s no way to go through life. It’s a wonder that Jack didn’t leave me, what, with all that bitching.

I forced myself to buck up and stop complaining. I just had to. Even I couldn’t even stand my own bitching any longer. Sure, I still want to, and there is still plenty of stuff to gripe about, but…I have shut the hell up about it. Mostly. Because really, I need to maintain my sunny outlook on life.

This year we’ll be 51. I’m not happy about that number either. It’s even bigger than 50! Fifty plus one. But, as I’m always reminded, it’s better than the alternative. And as God is my witness, I will NOT lose my shit this year.

How have you coped with getting older? What age hit you hard?

Peace!

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No Shame in Napping

When children are young, we have them take naps. When we’re older, adults should nap, too. Why the hell don’t we? I know, I know…kids, jobs, housework, errands, blah blah blah. I admit, we all have a lot to do. BUT, is there nothing more awesome than cocooning up with a warm blanket and catching a little shut eye after staying up too late or having a busy day? I think a lot of people pass up naps because they fear it will make them feel like a do-nothing lazy ass. Cut yourself some slack; your body needs sleep.

If you haven’t heard the studies on sleep, Americans don’t get enough of it. We’re go-go-go people. But at what cost to our minds and our bodies? Fer God’s sake, go lie down!

I can’t believe I went so many years feeling like an idle slug if I napped on the weekends or after I got home for work. Not long ago I realized it didn’t have to be a long nap – 30 minutes often did the trick. Hell, I waste that much time on Facebook alone. Readers, put the electronics down and snooze a bit!

Because here’s a little bonus…in 2012 CNN published, “Are you too tired for sex?” A study showed that 1 in 4 Americans say they’re often too tired for sex. And friends, that’s a damn shame! So take a little nap and then maybe you’ll be down for a little nookie later on. And hey, if your significant other ever gives you a hard time about napping, tell ‘em you’re preparing for sex! Who’s going to argue with that?

I think I’m going to go have a little snooze now. ~wink wink~

Are you a napper? How do you feel about naps?

Peace!

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Welcome friends!

Welcome to our blog! We’re Jack and Jenny. We’ve been through some stuff in our 30+ years together. We’d like to invite you in to share some of the rough parts, how we got through them, and of course, the amazing parts of our lives together.

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