A Friend’s Frightening Loss and Reflection

There’s something that’s really been messing with my head. I recently reconnected with Susan on Facebook; she was someone I grew up with but hadn’t seen since graduation. Back in those days we didn’t have cell phones or social media. Letters and expensive long-distance phone calls were it and it was easy to lose touch with people. But now, the 21st century…what a time to be alive!

Anyway, last week Susan posted some photos and a love letter mentioning how had it had be two months since her husband John — her soulmate and high school sweetheart — had passed away. Cancer. Seems that it’s always cancer, doesn’t it? Sigh.

John, Susan and I all graduated high school together; we’re the same age. Fifty. What’s given me pause is that I’ve reached the age where friends and spouses are going to start passing away, and that scares the bejesus out of me. Death is natural, and I know friends will die, but losing MY spouse is what scares me most. Losing MY soulmate. The thought alone is almost more than I can bear. The grief and loneliness would be excruciating. But also, half my memories would die.

Jack and I have more than 32 years under our belts at this point, and we  joke that he holds half the memories and I hold the other half. When we reminisce about life events, we each remember different parts thus bringing the recollection to a whole. We truly are one another’s “other half.” What if my other half was no longer with me? What would happen to half our experiences? Half my memories? Half my life? Losing Jack is one of the most frightening things that could happen.

It’s too much to consider.

So instead, I’ve decided I need to remind myself daily that it truly is important to live every moment to its fullest. We all say it. We all see the motivational memes. But it’s true. Life is precious. Eventually one spouse will outlive the other and when the time comes, there should be no regrets. I don’t want Jack or myself to think we should have loved harder, lived better or laughed more. If you’re still reading, I ask that you please do the same. Love your family like it’s your job and demand the same of those close to YOU. Because, you just never know…


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The Big Five-oh Bitchfest of 2016

Jack and I turned 50 in mid-2016. Jack took it in stride. I, on the other hand, had to be drug kicking and screaming into midlife. I know it’s just a number, and you’re only as old as you feel, and all the other platitudes people say to make each other not hate 50 so much. But to me, it sucked. Life is moving way too quickly! Where did the time go? We still have so much to do!

Anyway, fast-forward to December of 2016 and my big realization…I had just spent six solid months bitching about being 50 and all the things that were happening to my body: I’m heading into menopause and the hot flashes damn near killed me. I started having hip pain. My left foot went bad. I developed tennis elbow even though I’ve never played more than a few hours during gym class. I needed a stronger magnification for my reading glasses. My skin got dryer. I began to need occasional vag gel for dryness there as well. My hair got thinner. Both shoulders ached at different points during the year. Believe me, if there was something for me to bitch about, I did. And I felt like it was constant.

By body was beginning to betray me. I felt like the warranty had expired!

But more than that, I started to irritate the shit out of myself with so much bitching. It dawned on me one day while Jack and I were hittin’ the laughing grass and waxing poetic that I had done nothing but complain about being 50 and the things that were happening to my body! EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And damn, that’s no way to go through life. It’s a wonder that Jack didn’t leave me, what, with all that bitching.

I forced myself to buck up and stop complaining. I just had to. Even I couldn’t even stand my own bitching any longer. Sure, I still want to, and there is still plenty of stuff to gripe about, but…I have shut the hell up about it. Mostly. Because really, I need to maintain my sunny outlook on life.

This year we’ll be 51. I’m not happy about that number either. It’s even bigger than 50! Fifty plus one. But, as I’m always reminded, it’s better than the alternative. And as God is my witness, I will NOT lose my shit this year.

How have you coped with getting older? What age hit you hard?


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No Shame in Napping

When children are young, we have them take naps. When we’re older, adults should nap, too. Why the hell don’t we? I know, I know…kids, jobs, housework, errands, blah blah blah. I admit, we all have a lot to do. BUT, is there nothing more awesome than cocooning up with a warm blanket and catching a little shut eye after staying up too late or having a busy day? I think a lot of people pass up naps because they fear it will make them feel like a do-nothing lazy ass. Cut yourself some slack; your body needs sleep.

If you haven’t heard the studies on sleep, Americans don’t get enough of it. We’re go-go-go people. But at what cost to our minds and our bodies? Fer God’s sake, go lie down!

I can’t believe I went so many years feeling like an idle slug if I napped on the weekends or after I got home for work. Not long ago I realized it didn’t have to be a long nap – 30 minutes often did the trick. Hell, I waste that much time on Facebook alone. Readers, put the electronics down and snooze a bit!

Because here’s a little bonus…in 2012 CNN published, “Are you too tired for sex?” A study showed that 1 in 4 Americans say they’re often too tired for sex. And friends, that’s a damn shame! So take a little nap and then maybe you’ll be down for a little nookie later on. And hey, if your significant other ever gives you a hard time about napping, tell ‘em you’re preparing for sex! Who’s going to argue with that?

I think I’m going to go have a little snooze now. ~wink wink~

Are you a napper? How do you feel about naps?


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